Angel of my lamentation
by nanakira
Summary: I will fight back! ... that forbidden fruit, forbidden by myself. I open my eyes and see those blue colored lips catch a pink smile ... and remove themself. His arms releases me from their grip and leave me, but this time I'm not leting myself abandoned
1. The night dream

**The night dream**

Among the troubled stones  
Black waves flow,  
Casting themselvs whit power  
In vague tears they fade.

From the nights abyss  
A smile shows  
Cothe whit horror  
The garment of life.

Slow and quick steps  
From dark shade run,  
The night live dream  
It breaks into pieces.

And still ...

... i'm still looking for my self ... through blankets of black silk, with bloode pillows, through the deafening whispers rustling through grim darkness that covers me ... wonder where am I? Why I can not feel anything? Something's beatining, pulsing ... tick, tick ... then sits ... deafening silence. I scream "aaaaaaaaa "..., but nothing is heard, no sound ... why? Where am I? There, far away, something is looming, what is it? "nanakira" someone shouted ... but what does the coice shout? What is that word, what does it mean? Is anyone really at the end of that call? That someone is me ...? Again silence ... it's so quiet! An oppressive silence ... but what bothers me? Is this not what I've searched? Silence.

"Wake up" a cold whisper breaks the darkness and my cords vibrate all my being. "Wake up" echoes resound in the mantle opening around me. It hurts, that echo hurts. It pierces each por, each fiber in my body, and products thousands of pieces that resonate deep in my mind. I sigh ... everything seems like no end, like a vicious circle that doesnt break, does not disappear with the first sunrise.  
- "Why? Who cried and why? Why would I return to you when you've refused me the only right ... for what to fight?"

Tick, tick, tick, becoming faster and more deafening. "Silenceeeee! I do not want, dont you understand, there is no point in it?" Again silence ... The void swallows me, around me misleading, fooling the senses ... is so good! ... I feel thirsty, mettle after that moment of peace that I searched for centuries. Two flashes bleed the shade of a wild desire closer to my naked body ... a pair of lilac lips whisper something ... a word that I know from somewhere ... but I do not hear, I do not understand, ... or may not want to. Their sound manages to pierce through the wall of my regret, it hits an invisible wall and returns to nothingness like a boomerang. A thrill envelops my heart and knock off something rotten; the two bleading stars shine stronger then ever ... and come growing closer to me, so close that I feel like suffocating ... pale lips whisper again ... Will I hear them now, will I understand what they tell me with such passion and persistence? I'm cold, so cold, trembling all over, I can not control the body so exhausted of emptiness. A pair of marble arms stretch to me, include me, shoot me to an unknown corner of the world. Curl up around me like a snake that strangle their prey, threatening to crush me under their icy cold ... I inlay my shivering claws in the soft skin of the rocky back accompanying the cold marble arms. I feel his muscles tens. I sigh ... He is kidnaping me from my sanctuary, from under the seal that I myself created and drag me into a troubleing cascade of intense feelings. Same lilac lips smiling while bloody stars glass like hiding something ... a killer intent, a feeling, a secret. I shudder to think that foreign arms can wear me to an uncertain realm, filled with what I hate more, from which I ran once, but now it's too late, I let myself be carried away ... Where? I do not know either, but those arms carved in marble crystal strolle me through a hot air that surrounds my body like a veil. My body starts to vibrate. His smiling lips and eyes are lost behind diaphanous eyelids. A sigh wets my dry lips from so much sigh. I jump at every wave of hot air. Steeled veins jump under the cascade of red hot thunder. I begin to warm, feel like a torch lights inside my skin, as the elixir of life dance under my cristal skyn. A whirlwind of feelings invade my body without my consent, takes control ... I begin to regain my senses that were like sleeping over hundreds of years ... Here again ... that forbidden fruit, forbidden by myself. I open my eyes and see those blue colored lips catch a pink smile ... and remove themself. His arms releases me from their grip and leave me, but this time I'm not leting myself abandoned in silence. I will fight back! ...


	2. HE between agony and ecstasy

... and yet, in the other corner of the darkness ...

**On the brinck of insanity!**

Desperatelly  
My mind resarches  
On what path  
I do not know to go?

Silence and peace  
My soul yearns,  
But the whirling echo  
Draws me to war.

With foggy eyes,  
With trembling hands,  
Desperate I run  
Towards an uncertain future.

Thousands of thoughts  
Like a flash pass  
Through the icey mind  
And vacuum encounter.

A morbid silence  
My body surrounds;  
Battlefield that lays ahead  
Springs in front of me.

Fear and anxiety  
Continuously constrain me,  
Despair takes over  
On my torn face.

A voice continues to cry  
Stirring my inside,  
From a sleepy sleep  
Feelings haunt me.

... I'm still looking for that sweeat buzz, those fragrances lips that incessantly call my name through the nightly air. Who are you? Where are you? Why can I not see you? Why dose the cold veil of the night separates our burning souls? And still, I hear your voice, clear as morning dew, which sit on the fragile threads that weave from the cold and endless earth to sun light, empty blue sky. Why are you troubleing my nothingness, my forever numb sleep? Why I lost consciousness when I get whispered in the ears? Who are you, faceless angel?

Seduced by a fantasy, from his place in heaven the demon broke his ties, conquering the land, restless searching for the ghost that killd his lull. Up and down, north to south we strolled, his eyes shone in the distance, watching the murmur that his hearing has seduced ... A day has past, then three more, continually searching, hoping that after every corner, that angel with no face that charmed his heart by simple whispers of amour, will appear ... with open arms, waiting for a fled demon, what of the night fairy, claws has tored to follow up the call that his spirit has knelt. But in vein was his look out, because there was not even one angel in his sight, only demons without face and name dressed in human skins. He now bitterly regret, that in his sleep he ever opened eyes and ears and went in search of ghostly whispers, faceless and disembodied, just sick fantasies, hiding ancient past wounds.

- Cursed be the hour when I thought I found escape in the face of a honey voice, that beneath the willow branches blubber lies in bloody tear moonlight ... My soul you have messed up ... if I owend one. Sigh ... I pity myself, in the shade of a towering tree, that rises over the cold dust that sheltered until yesterday my own embodiment. I thought I found escape from the ocean of regret, from that apocaliptic messenger sent by my father to cease my endless suffering ... but was not to be ... all lost and alone, swallowed by foams of darkness, drawn from damnation, plunged into the depths forever. Boom, boom, boom ... the disgusting bitch still beating, through the decades of my hate plow through life. I got tired of fantasies, sweet words hum, no longer support the illusion that my guilt weaves! I shall pay forever for contempt of what I brought ... Still ... it was so clear ... the illusion, my crazy night. I close my eyes to see her now ... her frail body stretched in a pool of blood, her chest seaching fresh air, her lips sweet curses idleing away last moments of pleasure. I was upset at first ... I did not know if it was real, 'cause mad always I was. I loved the blood and hatred more than the mother's breast. Death did not scared me because I was not meant to die, at least not at pagan hands. My homeland was the purgatory, my master was the sword ... and yet ... ther was something that excited me more. Red wine beneath the skin, boiling hot whenever my crimson eyes fell on it. Hiding from me, through clouds of dust, love whispers blowing in the wind. I whish I'd touch her even whit my toughts, but she always ran away. She was not shy, just for ever cursed her dark fate. Fell like going crazy, my power leaving me and my memory playing tricks on me! Were you real? ... or just a suicidal thought?


	3. The colision: Past Vs Present

Chapter III. The colision: Past Vs. Present

Part I. Her past

Demon of my lamentation

You, who turns  
The ocean into color zinc,  
Forest into yellow desert,  
Wind into gunpowder  
Scorching the blue sky;  
Bright celestial being,  
Demon of the winged species ...  
Pierce my heart with your dagger  
Sending me on the Stix ,  
My sins to atone for :  
Defiance of heavenly laws  
And crush the worldly beings.

Exalted creature of light  
What darkness swallow,  
Away from civilization  
Expanding your great wings,  
Leaving behind a cloud of dust,  
Covering traces of our existence ...  
Death and consumed,  
Revive my body and feeling  
Only to die again  
In anticipation of uninterrupted  
To achieve your icy touch.

Before him there was nothing ... after him, again nothing ... Now it's quiet, maybe to quiet.

It's raining slowly, with large drops of blood, holy blood nevertheless ... In a devastated world full of lies, where evil penetrates, and humans lost there way, pale under immense weight of the sins committed. I refused breatheing air polluted by beings called "humans" with deadly intent, defileing the ground with sacred blood. I committed a crime ... then another one and another, until I could not stop ... and everything for ... For what? I'm sick of me, of the rotting flesh on my bones, of the heart that strikes despicable against my chest ... I'm sick of my own being, hating the road that I followed, the dirty desire that knocks off my mind. The ground decay in which we were created is too sacred compared to unholy stain which I myself have caused it. I dared what no one ever did ... I left my place in the sky, throwing my body to the empty shortfall, embracing the sin, the unfaithful form of foul, seduced by the infinite and hatred, in a heavenly way. I left everything for a moment of pleasure, one hour of oblivion, which I called a blessing. I sacrificed the purity of my soul, ... crystal tears now flowing in vain, for traces of regret are useless, as the compulsion aroses. I disowned the family, Father Creator, I cursed my roots, forgetting why I finally came along. And now ... Why is there left for me? A pointless revenge that my blood will not recover. I was lost in a shadowy world of concrete. I got separated from my body in the hope that I will escape. In van was the hurt and regret, illusion and groaning ... All is lost now.

In those terrible moments of madness, when the sky from the land separated, and the Creator the new Law wrote, a cynical smile from the clouds appear and my mind was wrapped in fog. Empty promises lined those sinful lips without me to suspect foul intention hiding. At first a flake fell, as then all to follow, and the mind already poisoned meaning could not find, or may not want to understand, that reason which pushed me in the dark. There were two burning red eyes adorned by black long lashes, guarded by a pair of arched beautiful eyebrows. The face seemed gentle, humble, with beautifully shaped lips, dimples drawing rosey like cheeks and curly pitch black hair waveing on the gentle face, easily slipped. The body seemd weak and tired, as after a long war, his chest was streaked with signs and his arms and back were as if thorns scratched it. I fomented his superficial injuries, helping him get his wish to live, but ... his mind was hiding something that I could not understand. In fact even now I can not understand how an angel face can carve thousands of chests only to shatter their hearts with his own hand. So much violence ... I never thought, that that fallen angel, in waves of blood will appease his anger. This was my first sin, the first time I lied to my father and stealthily, without breathing a word, the demon in my arms I received. I was near him when everything started and the sky was covered in redness. The air, seas and earth were screaming in fear and the heavenly stars fled with horror. The war had started and he will be my sword, pushing me on a narrow road without return. I had no choice, or at least he said so ... I had to do it ... to fight, if I wanted to defend what I loved more. I ran with him in my arms, frightened by what I saw: bodies torn to pieces from which demons were feding, white-black wings that were struggling in the air, screams and roars of battle deafening my ear. The beautiful crystal city in the claws of wild falls and our world breaks into pieces. Blood was flowing everywhere, the buildings felling into ruin, bodies without repose from the mud whopping blasphemy. I was terrified, but his voice kept shouting, urging me to watch onwards and find the target through the gunpowder. For just so I could stop the ordeal, paying a lower price to save the thousands of souls crying without knowing where to run. I had to bend him with my own hands, he who had ordered, throwning the world in chaos. why? ... only out of vanity. Sephiros, the great kingdoms adviser commanded all rebel souls be banished forever, marking their sins worldwide. But they resisted, cameing out of prison, with blood paying their rebellion... Nobody opposed the great bodyless being. He was ruthless with those who were querulous and disobeing. Dangerous advancing armies were flooding the Valley of Tears with blood. Field full of swords, carcasses thrown, bodies without heads and split shalls reign on the steep rocks. But where was he who ordered? Desperately trying to find the eyes, ears ringing searcheing his voice until, up on the hill crest, I saw his crimson armor glowing in the sun. I ran brathless toward him, not knowing what will I do when face to face with the judge I will come. But He softly wrapped my reason and my tired body, takeing leadership. The sword passed through his clay chest, eyes wrapped by death looking puzzled at me ... You!?... that was all his purple lips managed to say, when my sword, as if having his own mind, turned in his chest, and draining the last breath from his tormented face. I knelt beside his lifeless body, eyes teardroping, gazeing on my deed without coherence. Judge and executioner overnight I became, my hands stained with blood and not holy however, takeing the whole creation in mourning.

... The Moon I widowhood, because the Sun in a pure blood poll layd coiled at her feet ...


	4. Part 2 Prisoner between past and presen

Part. 2 Prisoner between past and present

First there was the past ...

From the cloak of chaos  
One by one, slowly stand up  
The heavens and earth,  
Days, nights wreathed by stars,  
Dressed by living creatures  
And watch over by angels.

Six days have passed  
Since the world was born,  
Angels cry  
Acclaiming there Father.  
On the seventh day they sang  
Contemplating the final creation.

First of all there was darkness, like a blanket that stretched across the nothingness. Heavenly Emperor, uncreated and unborn rip the dark mantle separated in two, creating light and darkness. Each part of a robe adorned with heavenly stars that were to watch the beginning and end of creation. Then, one after another, the divine voice command, visible and invisible creations to mortal eyes began to take shape. Earth was born from the depths, giving rise to water depths, the waters rose to heaven and weave an azure blanket, the endless azuire sky sift mild drops of rain that have planted in the newly created land threads of infinite life. These wonders, one by one from scratch occurred. Crown of creation and the issue of loneliness of the Creator were heavenly and earthly beings, conceived in the image and likeness. But of all His creation He has chosen a single species to always be close to Him, the Angels. Celestial beings born of endless light and the purest sense of the Creator. They radius of beauty and happiness, naivete and innocence, love yearned for their father. And the love that created them, gave them Azuilth in possession, a field that is in the Father's throne and ran on seven havens. Paradise was fraternally divided into three spheres of rule.

First area of the winged Choirs Triad and enlightened of all was led by Seraphimis, Cherubimis and Thrones.

Seraphimi were defenders of the throne, the voice of god, the eternal burning love and zeal for the Creator. They say such a glow they emanated, not even other celestial beings could not watch. Their bodies were trimmed from six wings, two fell on there radiant face, two covered there satin body and with the lasr two they rose in the endless light. Of all Seraphimi two were beloved by Father, Seraphiel and Lucifel, owners of whole creation. Because so much had Father beloved when he created them that he gave the key to the whole kingdom in there care.

Cherubimi, those of second in rank after Seraphims, stood behind the throne of heaven, guarding the eternal Light and heavenly stars. Eternity whispers the story of four faces of Cherubims: one of each a man, an ox, a lion, and an eagle. Their bodies were covered with two pairs of wings, united, that guarded the road to the Truth Tree in the Garden of Eden. They were perfect understanding of the Creator, surpassed only by the endless love of Seraphims.

Thrones, Lords of Wisdom were those who watched the evolution of the human species and the bearers of divine symbols of Law and Authoritie of the Creator Father.

The second sphere of the winged Choirs Triad was governed by governors of the kingdom: Dominions, Lords of individuality, which regulate the duties of lower angels, Virtues, Lords of Order, heavenly bodies supervisors, who ensured cosmic order and Potestas, Lords of mind, consciousness and guardians of history. Their shape resembled that of men, endowed with incredible beauty and a pair of huge white wings.

Last sphere, the third of the Triad Choirs, was chair br Principalities, Lords of Form, muses of art and science for the people, Archangels, owners of the four elements and Angels, messengers of humanity, those who link heaven and earth.

On earth, in the Garden of Eden, prevaild harmony between nature, humans and other creatures. The first human beings, Adam and Lilith, twin brothers, created in the image and likeness of the Father, marked the first steps on Mother Earth. The sky was clear, the sun light happy with its rays comforting faces of two newborn babies, birds rose gloryos songs to the eternal Creator to complete his dream.

The entire creation of the universe lasted six days and on the seventh day the supreme father retired in the throne room to contemplate the result of his work. On that day of rest all his achievement was to be shaken from the foundation ...

Treason, treason, three times treason ...


	5. Part2 Prisoner between past and presen 2

A/N: this is the continuation of the 3rd chapter, part 2

* * *

When it all begin,  
I had nothing to say.  
And in darkness I sink  
Confused looking for responses.

You created everything from nothing  
Just to fill the gap,  
That empty petty  
He's departure caused.

One being that  
Your hands have not created  
And your loved refused,  
Your achieving renegeding.

Lucifer, the bright celestial creature ever created by the Father felt the infinite gates closing and the oppressive loneliness suffocating him. Great wings had no where to rise, horizons shrinking, and his whole being extinguished. And why? For a new beginning, for the death of his past, for receiving bribery as the truth to not disclose. No one in Heaven knew, and he was about to forget ... forgetting what it was ... forgetting the real beginning. That wasn't a temporary amnesia; it was something that would change his future and his inside story. How could he give up his first call, his first identity? But He did not listen to him; nothing interested him, just the greatness of his creation counted. But even that wasn't his. This one thing that only he knew. "In silence I sat and listened to what you were going to do, not revealing to anyone the real perpetrator. However nobody would have understood, because nobody knows him, the real HIM. That's it, I will not leave myself be led by your illusion anymore, by your sweet words, promises and empty fantasies. Even if you raise all the heavens on, my voice will speak the truth. Then we'll find out who was the first to sin. I, one will not forget. "

Steps, heavy steps resounded through the throne halls and the doors the prohibited room looped opened. The cold and darkness of the internal enclosure poured. It was hardly the first steps, breathing cut while his eyes desperately searched the room. "Where is it?" his mind wondered. In the middle of the room a ray of light reflected through the blanket of darkness and ice that surrounded him.

- "The taboo child. So graceful he sleeps ... You do not want to trouble his rest, do you? a gurgling voice over his shoulder asked.

- YOU!?

- Why with a voice so troubled my name you pronounce? Did you think I did not know? I knew you would take advantage of the last day of creation, but a promise remains a promise, especially one sealed in blood.

- Hmm ... and holy blood and not anyway! You were the first to shed blood, but my word, I never gave. I let the wind carry the voice of the night and I listened. You know that you will not hold me. I will never give up...

- What? This lovely crystal angel? Hollow it is and you know very well how and why. Now go until my fury doesn't grow and your punishment will increase. I know that you can not resist. Get out and fulfill what is written for you, but remember ... you still have my blessing.

- Your blessings ... haa, it makes me wanna laugh. Once I'll return and I will shake your walls from there foundation. I am the only one who knows the truth and you can not escape my lips. Only She can kill me and nobody else. This was the pact...

The whole Paradise shuddered and vibrated Angels feared. It was possible for the first sunrise to be one mournful? The morning star no longer rise and the storm Father's voice announced resounded throughout the kingdom. The first being created, the holy oath denying and the sky throwing into chaos leaving his post. For the first time the heavens of treason have learned ... The Creator showed his ruthless face signing the sentence and to terrible tortured the Morning Star forcing. The first star of creation had been prosecuted and found guilty by the Father of time and space, casting it as a rebellion from the angels' breasts, marking him forever as a traitor. For he single signed his sentence before leaving, when the throne room he invaded and threatened the great Father. "These are my words. I, Father and Creator of the Universe, they blame the higher Seraphim Lucifel of high treason, insubordination and assassination attempt against me. For today you will be condemned to oblivion in the continue burning pitch of hell, that I have given you to possess. I will not kill what I myself have created, but far from the gates of the kingdom of heaven I've thrown, guardian of souls damned for eternity I condemned. It is my will and who will not follow, will share the same fate and will be called a deserter. Close your doors and watch carefully as the shining eyes of a demon not entice you and compel you to sin. "Across the seven soils of Paradises the voice of the royal envoy trumpets the failure of the most glorious atheist. Nobody would disobey the decision of the Glorious Father, but nobody wanted to believe that the first child left the sanctuary in a moment of madness. No one knew the truth ... but what they did not know could not hurt or disappoint them.

"From the mouth of hell I swear that I will retaliate and I will dig up the truth" ... On his way, flying over Eden, a feather of his great wings detached it self and landed in the garden, deep within the soil. From it a proud offspring grew, turning into a golden apple tree. A golden apple that shadowed over Eden, hatred and revenge predicting.

Time passed and the Angels forgot the first divine punishment and the first crucified soul. Life in Paradise resumed his course, but the Garden of Eden was heading for disaster ... Whispers flowed smoothly as into screams they turned. The first earthly creatures, Adam and Lilith were twin brothers who lived in perfect harmony in Eden, in a corner forgotten by time, virgin and hidden from the dark reality that would be unleashed across the land. Adam and Lilith were created in the image of the Father, so equal. But Adam, being the male part of the human creation took control of the land and thus became lord of the women. Lilith, being the free spirit of life, did not want to accept the supremacy of man and demanded gender equality, like as the first day of creation. Stubbornness and pride the man shouted defiance to the woman as the first argument came to life in the new world. When the Creator gave them freedom in the Garden of Eden, he asked them to multiply seedling mother earth with their tribes. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight.

She said, "I will not lie below," and he said,

"I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one."

Lilith responded, "We are equal to each other in as much as we were both created from the earth."

But they would not listen to one another. He wanted to be the one that decides, to take the reins of love and happiness ... For her descendants did not matter, but their own pleasure and satisfaction at the height ... the sense of madness that surrounds the body, the top of ecstasy that takes you where no thought or imagination ever did. She wanted to control, causing unimaginable pleasure and lead Adam on the wings of frenzy at the mouth of hell and forth. She wanted to reach the heights of happiness, to feel the thrill of love down her spine, to breathe the heady air of the last moments of love, to emanate from pores seduction that only she knew how. But man is man and the power and control are guaranteed satisfaction that one knows and wants. He was afraid of the unknown, all that was new and not dare to explore the mysteries of human muscles, fibers and cords that vibrate to attacks. He feared the true intention of the woman and the way she wanted him to follow. He did not want to fall prey to the carnal desires of the women, to feel her imagination rule. He was afraid of being subjugated by the charms and her body burning desire and coiled like a snake that plays with its prey before devouring it. Yes, he feared he'll be devoured by the vibrations and constraints of Lilith's voluptuous forms. She yearned for, sighed and trembled in his arms, asking for more and more, as if wanting to make him crazy with her fleshy lips, large eyes and seductive, firm breasts and playful, powerful thighs that caught him in a bind draying him of his will. Her skin was smooth, urging to touch, to stroke gently, stimulating him to explore ..., sweet smell, enticing as her body was poisoning his nostrils, his mind darkened. And her head ... with those perverted thoughts, with an extraordinary imagination like the Pandora's Box ... Off, he felt he will lose control. Everything about her was perfect and that perfection was to bring perdition. His ego suffered terribly because his body was led by desire and attraction to the soft forms of the women ... He wanted to be different, bitterly regretted that his conscience gave him no peace to be able to fully enjoy his pair. He had to reach the goal, to see their descendants populating mother earth. While she was a woman, yearning for love, crazy moments of pleasure, thrills sighed and pure madness ... all that Adam did not gave her, for fear of disobedience to the Creator. He treated her with coldness and indifference, seeing himself as master on his estate, and the woman he considered only the vessel that will ensure immortality for his name in the Book of Age. That had to be ... nothing could stand in the way of Father's plan, even their needs and wishes. Resistance was futile.

* * *

A/N: I hope this chapter wasn't to foggy and missleading. R&R if you may ^.^


End file.
